It is that time of year - again... Going back to school is hard, especially after a summer of fun and sun, part-time work and extra cash at the mall, and the extra late-night hours you can endure and then sleep half the next day...

Just in case you can't handle it on your own, here are ten easy steps to help you get through the new school year:

Step two: Watch your manners, you slob! Remember your basic manners and attempt to make a good impression. Get food in your mouth rather than on your face. Your skin will thank you. Belching might make your friends laugh, but it won’t amuse everyone else around you.

Step three: Be prepared for the worst. We hate to break it to you, but if you don’t know your college roommate well, there’s a 50% chance they will be a complete nightmare. Also, it’s a well-known fact that about 1 out of every 5 teachers is spawned from Satan himself. Keep your wits about you!

Step four: Take mental health days. Schoolwork takes a huge toll on everyone. When you’ve got some free time in there, take a day off for the sake of your sanity. The photocopied piece of paper commending your perfect attendance at the end of the year is not worth a mental breakdown during your maths exam.

Step five: Save the parties for the weekends, chief. As fun as a beer bong tournament on a Tuesday night may sound, you’ll regret it the next day in class. Hangovers and pop quizzes don’t mesh well. Plus, you’ll look bad and smell worse. Have some dignity!

Step six: Save your stomach! Avoid the food! No matter what school you attend, eating in the school cafeteria is just a step above cannibalism. It doesn’t take a gourmet chef to cook a simple lunch, so do yourself a favor and make your own damn sandwich! Haven’t you ever wondered why the cafeteria’s meatloaf has a strange tinge of flavor to it? Let’s not find out!

Step seven: Beware the senior prank. In the time surrounding homecoming and graduation day, high schools and colleges seem to give seniors free reign to raise hell. Their pranks usually involve animals; namely chickens, crickets, and fish. Unless you enjoy being harassed by these creatures, stay away from large school gatherings like pep rallies, especially if you’re a wee freshman.

Step eight: Quit your whining! Sometimes, school can be legitimately stressful. Most of the time, we take petty issues and blow them way out of proportion. Do whatever you must to chill out. Count backwards from ten, punch a pillow, devour a pint of ice cream—whatever! Just spare your loved ones your unnecessary drama so they can have some peace of their own.

Step nine: Make it happen. Remember your secret desire to take part in your school’s musical or try out for a sports team? Yeah, we know about that. What are you waiting for? Your dreams to fall into your lap? Do it! We triple-dog dare you! If you’re too busy being afraid of what other people will think, your school days are going to be a complete bust. Queue the Darth Vader soundtrack...

Step ten: Remember, school is NOT life! Of course, doing well in school is important, but it’s not the most important part of your school years. By keeping to yourself and spending all night studying, you’re actually learning less. So get loud, stay out late, and make those memories. You’ll need those happy memories when school is over and the real world catches up to you! Just make sure you check your class schedule before planning your wild oat-seeding extravaganzas!

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BeLa   |2007-09-04 17:51:31 haha..fantastic article. The Satan descendents comment is a fact, indeed, and there are rumours all over the world about cafeterias food not being any step above cannibalism...lol[smiley=tongue] Reply 0   0

Alison   |2007-08-29 08:41:47 I am always going to class in sweats and flip flops. I have classes starting at 7am so I am too tired to party on tuesdays anyway, but the weekends are always a no brainer! Reply 0   0

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3.25 Copyright (C) 2007 Alain Georgette / Copyright (C) 2006 Frantisek Hliva. All rights reserved."